I had my session with my therapist last night and I didn’t feel like we made much progress. I think the sudden turn of events didn’t help. He couldn’t really hide the expression that came with the “he left me” announcement. He commended that I was still going, at least it shows that I am trying to get better for myself. He asked about future relationships and I felt my stomach turn… the thought of someone else touching me the way he did didn’t sit right with me.
I woke up this morning the same way I woke up yesterday. I couldn’t be alone so I slept on someone’s couch. (The more I type the more pathetic I sound) Anyways, I opened my eyes and it was like everything came crashing at me like a tidal wave. I cried and I wanted to call out for him, call him or anything. I was so used to talking to him everyday and now he’s just gone.
What I can’t wrap my head around is the “I still love you.” comment. I have always found it so difficult to believe that anyone could ever love me and when I finally started to believe someone could… they left.
Nothing hurts more than knowing that the person you can’t live without could easily live without you.