I am growing tired of everyone’s words of comfort. I keep getting told that there is someone out there for everyone but is that necessarily true? I think that we’re all just as incompatible, just depends on how much shit we can deal with. There are always going to be hard times, obstacles and personal crap that gets in the way. I had a relationship where I would have put up with a lot because I “loved” the person enough but the feeling wasn’t mutual. At the very end of it all, it just means that they can see chances of finding someone better -someone who they are more willing to put up with than you. Hurts doesn’t it?

So with all this “glass is half empty” stuff -I began to recall a moment when I was eight. My mom had a friend over at our apartment and I was playing on the patio. I could hear them through the screen door. Her friend said, “Your daughter is so quiet. It’s amazing how well she can play contently all by herself.” My mom sighed, “She’s always been that way, ever since she was a baby, always alone. It scares me a little.”

This memory stuck. Maybe everyone’s words of comfort is just simply… words of comfort. Not all of us are meant to find someone, have a family and grow old together. Some of us are just simply meant to be alone.

This is no pity party, trust me. It is a simple realization that maybe, just maybe, I’m not meant to be someone’s wife or mother. That all my emotional energy should just be directed toward my career and my passions. I’m afraid that once I learn (or should I say, relearn) how to be alone… that I will find it all too comforting and familiar. Like that little girl, I might just be perfectly content on my own.

Advertisements