Two weeks and I’ve reached my limit. I am a woman, four days from twenty seven, and I am barely finding out who I truly am. I’m not even sure I like who this person is. I am imperfect, insecure, overly passionate and too ornery for my own good. I fell in love for the very first time and I am slowly seeing how stupid that was on my part. I gave my entirety to someone so undeserving, when I had so little of myself to give. I fell for a boy who had nothing to his name, but I was so blinded by love, that all I wanted in return was that.
So what now? Learn to love myself seems to be everyone’s answer. Well, that’s far harder to do but I am up for the task. The idea that it takes love from another person to justify my self worth and assure lifelong happiness is ridiculous. Please know that this is not my jaded side talking.
I used to think there was a right or wrong way to love… the older I get the more I see that LOVING is loving. That everyone that makes it to their golden years with a partner has had their fair share of shit, some worse than others.
Here is my goodbye.
If you couldn’t stick through this hurdle with me… If in fact, the unhappiness for the short period of time, isn’t worth a lifelong relationship with me… Then you were not the man I thought you were and you are undeserving of the love I had to offer. I stuck through so much with you, took care of you and supported you as best as I could. Yet when it was your turn to do so for me, you left. You spend your nights drinking it all away, overdosing on social stimulation, meaningless flirtations and carelessly slipping into immature self destruction. I hope this is what you wanted and I detest that I was mere a speed bump on your journey. Goodbye, my very own beautiful disaster.
It’s time to write. Time to paint. It’s time to travel. It’s time for me.