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In less than 2 days I turn 27. I remember when my older sister turned 27 and I was only 17. She seemed like she had it all figured out and I was just an overzealous teenager who couldn’t wait to graduate high school and “start living”. I pictured 27 so differently back then -I thought I would be married (not divorced) with kids and some swanky career. (I have the cool job at least, silver lining right?)
The last two years has been an emotional roller coaster ride and I am beyond exhausted. I’ve decided that its time to detox and start living life for me and the things that make me happy.
Since I was 15, I was either in a relationship or breaking up with someone. I’m aware that there are single women out there rolling their eyes at me right now but please bare with me… I did not go seeking these romances out. Maybe I was too cavalier with my heart but with no more than three months after a break up, I was with someone else. Note that I never truly loved them the way I thought I did at the time. (My recent heart break taught me that!)
There must be some serious emotional and psychological damages to spending my entire adult life preoccupied by another person. I think I know myself well enough but how can I truly know me, if I haven’t ever spent time alone?
My birthday is coming and I’m sorry to the 17 year old me -but I am single, barely have my shit together and just now taking time to “find myself”.
I’m slowly learning that life is not a race to get to the house with a white picket fence. First of all, I don’t want that stupid house. Who knows what I want? I sure as hell don’t know.
For now, I am swearing off men for a full year, maybe more. I’m getting to that point where I’m not sure if I’m sad because I miss him or because I’m just not used to being single. I’m taking time off school, saying no to extra side work and projects, finishing up freelance work that have been put off and after all that, I have three months of freedom.
I am going to dedicate this time to painting and writing (and work of course, this gal’s gotta buy her daily dose of overpriced coffee). We’ll see where this takes me and who I’ll be at the end of this adventure. All I know is that in a year, I’ll have another book (or two) published, enough paintings to start exhibiting again and a stronger me.
WISH ME LUCK.